It has taken me long to gather my thoughts to narrate the nuances of a Bengali wedding and the cuisine laid out at a wedding.
This article is all about a Bengali wedding – the rituals, the dress codes, the food, the enjoyment, etc.
So let’s start with The wedding attire:
The Bengali groom typically wears either a white or beige coloured Kurta, which is known as Panjabi, with a Dhoti. While the Panjabi kurta may be made from various materials like, Cotton, Pure Silk or Tussar, the Dhoti is generally made of Bengal Handloom known as Tant. It has a typical fan-like edge which is partially tucked into the pocket of the Punjabi kurta. A style not seen in the rest of India.
The attire of the Bengali bride is the elegant Banarasi silk saree, which is more than just an attire. It is heavily embroidered with gold/silver zari threads usually red in colour.
All the beautiful ladies of the families of the bride and the groom wear gorgeous sarees/clothes and eye catching jewellery. This of course is very typical of most of our Indian weddings, irrespective of the state – be it in the north, south, east or west of India.
Just one glance of all the dolled up people gives a great feel-good-factor to one and all.
Pre wedding rituals:
Like any Indian wedding, the Bengali wedding too includes many rituals and ceremonies.
The rituals prior to the wedding ceremony are performed with elan starting with a Dodhi Mongol (pre-dawn food for the bride), followed by Nandimukh (a pooja to pay tribute to the deceased ancestors), Gaye halud (haldi that comes from the groom’s place) and the Borjatri (arrival of the groom for the wedding.
Aiburobhat:
This is sort of a version of Bridal shower which generally takes place on the afternoon before the wedding day. Generally, close friends and relatives meet at the bride’s house and shower her with gifts, love and best wishes. This is followed by an elaborate feast for the bride to be, with rice, fish and varieties of vegetable dishes. It is considered to be her last meal as a spinster. A similar ritual is observed at the groom’s place where he takes his last meal as a bachelor. The term “Aiburo,” means unmarried, and “Bhat,” means rice or meal. This feast is a joyous family affair held separately at the bride’s and groom’s respective homes.
Aiburobhat meal compulsorily includes fish, most popular fish being the Ilish or Hilsa. The Hilsa paturi (Steamed Hilsa fish fillets wrapped in banana leaf coated with chillies and mustard paste) or Shorshe Ilish(Hilsa fish curry made with mustard paste) are the most loved dishes and Chingri Malaicurry (Lobster curry made in coconut gravy) etc, also finds an important place in the meal. They also get served mutton and chicken. Of course, sweetmeats are very common and most brides and grooms will be served -Roshogolla, Pantua (a traditional Bengali sweet made of deep-fried balls of semolina, chhena(paneer), milk, ghee and sugar syrup), Sondesh(Paneer based sweet), Mishti Doi(sweet yogurt) etc.
It is a complete finger licking meal.
Wedding rituals:
The wedding ceremony usually goes on till late in the night. The muhurat (auspicious time) is geneallly late evening….The rituals and the ceremonies are throughout accompanied by blowing of conch shells and the tongue twisting ululation!!! Again, the ululation at a wedding is very typical of a Bengali wedding, not heard in the rest of India.
For the main wedding ritual the bride is brought on a ‘piri’, a wooden plank, lifted by relatives and friends. Each of these people who lift the bride are nothing less than a HERCULES!!! This is followed by Saat paak with the bride encircling her husband-to-be seven times….still inconveniently balancing herself on the piri and all the while covering her face with paan ki pattis (green luscious beetle leaves). I must mention here that West Bengal is well-known for the amazing taste that the beetle leaves grown there have. The beedas that are made with these betel leaves are not just an integral part of India’s culture, but also hold many benefits. As we are all aware, there was a time when heart-shaped betel leaves were served after lunch/dinner in nearly every household. However, think of paan nowadays, and it is likely to conjure an image of red spit-covered walls, staircase corners/landings, roadside walls—a mess made by tobacco chewers who use betel leaves to wrap and flavour the intoxicant.
Mala Badal:
This is the ceremony when the couple exchange their garlands. A fun element is added when the relatives of the bride and the groom hoist them up to make it difficult for both to reach. A lot of competitive fun and laughter ensues.
Kanyadaan:
During the significant Kanyadaan/Sampradaan ritual in a Bengali wedding, a heartfelt moment transpires. With affection, deep emotions and sentiments, the bride’s father gives his daughter’s hand to the groom. Using their garments, the father ties a sacred knot, representing the eternal union of the bride and the groom. Amidst the chanting of sacred mantras, the groom solemnly pledges to honour and protect his beloved bride throughout their journey together.
Bidaai:
Bidaai refers to the departure of the couple from the bride’s place. It is a tearful, intense and emotional event.
Bashor Jaga:
In a Bengali wedding, the newly married couple stays awake all night with friends and close relatives in a ritual called Bashor Jaga (or Basor Raat), where they play games, sing songs, chit chat and enjoy merrymaking before their married life officially begins. This tradition is considered auspicious and provides an interactive session for the couple and their friends to bond.
Bou bhaat:
It is a post-wedding ritual where the groom’s family hosts a feast for both families to formally introduce the new bride to the groom’s extended family and friends.
Ashtamangala:
The Ashtamangala ritual is a post-wedding tradition in Bengali households, occurring eight days after the wedding, where the newly-wed couple returns to the bride’s home for a few days. During this visit, a small puja is performed by the bride’s family, signifying the official end of the wedding ceremonies and marking the beginning of their new life together. The knot tied during the wedding is also undone during this ritual.
The Food:
I would like to make a quick mention of the sumptuous food and delicious sweets that are served during the wedding/reception…luchi(pooris), kachuri(stuffed pooris), cholar dal, fish fry, fish kalia, pulao, different recipes of mutton and chicken, tiger prawns, tomato chutney, mishit doi, shondesh, jalebis, roshogollas, kulfi….all this and much more digested with the help of a bengali paan after the meal.
Nowadays it is a trend to have multi-cuisine buffets. Yes, it does provide more choice to the guests, perhaps it’s in tune with changing taste buds and is convenient as guests don’t have to wait for their turn to eat. But I prefer the “you sit, we serve” style.
With the caterers having their own way of serving the guests, they place small menu cards in the packages containing plate, fork, spoon, paper towel, etc, for each guest. I quite like this idea as one gets to know what would be served and in what order.
As all good occasions have to come to an end, the guests leave, tears are shed, laughter fades, adrenalin cools down…and a new journey of life begins for the newly wed…….. leaving behind beautiful memories for one and all …..