Ways To Overcome Your Greatest Fear: A Guide

What do you fear the most?

Imagine the possibilities that would unfold if you could finally conquer that fear, leaving it behind for good.

In this article, I’m excited to share with you five powerful tactics that will empower you to overcome any fears that may be holding you back. Heights, spiders, tight spaces, and oddly-shaped clouds—these are the things that can send shivers down your spine and haunt your dreams.

These five strategies are timeless and effective.

All set for those five strategies?

Let’s examine them.

1. Exposure Therapy

At the heart of confronting any fear lies a fascinating concept from psychology called exposure therapy.

Exposure therapy is precisely what the name implies. Imagine facing something that sends shivers down your spine. You start by dipping your toes in, experiencing it in tiny increments. As you build your confidence, you dive deeper, gradually increasing your exposure. Before long, what once frightened you becomes normal, and you become desensitised to it.

If heights make you uneasy, then beginning your journey at the summit of the Eiffel Tower might not be the best idea. Starting on a second-floor balcony is a great way to ease into the experience. Gradually working your way up will help you build confidence until you feel completely at ease standing at the top of the building.

Exposure therapy is effective due to the way our minds naturally form associations. Many of us find that our deepest fears often stem from past traumatic events or a series of experiences that have shaped us.

Among my two readers who harbour a fear of driving, one experienced a car accident in her youth, while the other has absorbed her father’s anxious belief that driving too fast would lead to her demise.

Since then, these associations have held sway over both men. Exposure therapy allows us to reframe our fears by connecting them with more positive and constructive beliefs.

Surviving a fall from a second-floor balcony proves that height doesn’t always spell disaster. For my two readers, I decided on a leisurely drive through a retirement community, aiming to soften their connection between driving and terrifying accidents.

However, this is where we encounter an issue with exposure therapy; they remained fearful even when going 20 miles per hour.

Exposure therapy can be a powerful tool for reshaping our relationship with fear. However, it’s important to acknowledge that this process can be quite daunting. By facing the fears we’ve long avoided, we inevitably encounter stress and anxiety, making the journey both challenging and transformative.

Some individuals find that incorporating visualisation techniques can make exposure therapy feel more approachable. It’s common for psychologists to help their patients visualise their greatest fears and develop mental strategies to confront them.

Some individuals take it a step further by crafting virtual reality simulations of the daunting activity, allowing them to mentally gear up for the actual experience.

A least explored method is my next strategy: orthogonal exposure.

2. ORTHOGONAL EXPOSURE

Orthogonal exposure is all about taking a step back from the overwhelming task at hand and engaging in an activity that, while different, is still closely related. It’s a refreshing way to recharge your mind and gain new perspectives.

It’s fascinating how this can resonate deeply with people’s fears. A friend shared an inspiring story about how he conquered his fear of heights. He took the plunge by learning to ski, standing confidently at the edge of a steep slope and gazing down the mountain. It was a transformative experience for him, turning fear into exhilaration.

When we engage in activities that are connected yet distinct from our actual fears, we open up new avenues for forming positive associations and boosting our self-confidence.

Take a moment to reflect on a fear that you hold close.

What do you think would be your initial step in exposure therapy?

When it comes to confronting your fear, what might orthogonal exposure entail?

3. ELEVATION TRAINING

Eliud Kipchoge stands out as the greatest marathon runner in history. Throughout his impressive 20-year career, he has achieved an astonishing victory rate, winning more than 70% of the races he has participated in.

Notably, he stands out as the only person to have completed a marathon in under two hours.

Kipchoge’s training stands out for its unique setting—he trains in the breathtaking mountains of Western Kenya, reaching an impressive altitude of 8,000 feet above sea level.

This altitude can be downright debilitating for folks like us. While we would find ourselves breathless after just a few laps, Kipchoge views this as just another day at the office. He effortlessly outshines his rivals upon returning to sea level in vibrant cities like Berlin, London, and Tokyo.

Altitude training is a well-known concept in the sports world, and interestingly, it can also be applied to overcoming fears.

When you confront an activity that intimidates you and then push its boundaries by increasing its difficulty or complexity, you’ll find that going back to the original task feels significantly easier in comparison. It’s a fascinating way to build confidence and resilience!

At least, that’s the idea.

Fear can be quite a complex emotion. Facing fear exists in a unique balance, much like the Goldilocks zone. When the task at hand seems too simple, you’re unlikely to see any advancement. When an activity seems overwhelmingly difficult, it’s easy to feel a surge of panic, which can lead to an increase in fear and anxiety. It’s important to recognise this cycle and find ways to manage it.

The aim here is to discover something that sits right at the edge of possibility, perfectly balanced in that sweet spot. It strikes a perfect balance—challenging enough to keep you engaged, yet accessible enough to not feel overwhelming.

I brought the two guys to the racetrack and rented some of the quickest streetcars available. Imagine the thrill of pushing the limits and reaching speeds over 120 miles per hour—more than double what most of us experience on the highway. It’s a true test of speed and adrenaline! And one of them truly made it happen.

Additionally, he mentioned that he enjoyed the experience.

4. INFUSE SOME FUN

Will Smith once shared a powerful insight:

The best things in life are on the other side of our fears.“

WILL SMITH

When fear looms large, remember that immense joy is often just beyond it, waiting to be discovered.

This brings up a crucial point for you and any fears you may be facing: What are some ways to turn it into a fun experience?

Experiencing joy in activities that once filled you with fear is a transformative moment. It’s in those instances that you start to dismantle the fears that have haunted you for so long.

Do you feel a bit anxious about dating? So, how can you add some excitement to it? How about transforming it into a fun little challenge for yourself? How about planning a fun double date with a friend you really enjoy hanging out with? It could be a great way to mix things up and create some memorable moments together!

Do you feel uncertain about your body image, and are you hesitant to step into the gym? What are some ways to add a little excitement to the mix? Is it possible to challenge yourself by placing bets on the amount of weight you can lift? Opt for a workout that allows you to express yourself freely and comfortably. Why not take the plunge and sign up for a pole dancing class?

Revisit the fear you’ve been dealing with.

1. What types of altitude training can you explore?
2. How can you turn the entire experience into something enjoyable?

5. THE JOURNEY OF IDENTITY FORMATION

At this stage, we delve into the fifth and most profound strategy for overcoming fear—identity formation.

Previously, I touched on the idea that our minds function as incredible association machines. The culmination of all those connections ultimately shapes an individual’s identity.

Expressions such as “I am a writer,” “I enjoy long hikes,” and “I have a fear of driving” all stem from the connections we make.

Your natural tendency is to want to repeat something that makes you happy. It’s interesting how certain experiences can shape our perceptions. When we develop negative associations with something, it often leads us to steer clear of it time and again.

Your identity begins to take shape through the activities you engage in on a regular basis and those you choose to avoid.

My two friends’ lack of driving skills partially shaped their identities before spending the weekend with me.

I provided them with an experience that would transform the way they see things. I arranged for a sports car for each of them to cruise down the city and its outskirts.

As we took turns, the atmosphere buzzed with excitement. People waved enthusiastically, snapped pictures, and called out to us, creating a lively scene all around. The very thing that had once loomed over them, casting a shadow of intimidation throughout their lives, was now transforming into a source of social reward and validation.

They can no longer claim, “I’ve never enjoyed driving,” because now they have experienced it.

They will never be able to claim, “I have no good memories in a car,” because they certainly do.

They can no longer claim, “I’ve never been on a road trip,” since I opted not to purchase return tickets for our weekend in Las Vegas. In Los Angeles, driving is the only way to make your way back home.

And they certainly did.

The journey began as the two men left the city outskirts, their excitement palpable as they set their sights on the highway. They traversed many miles on state highways, navigating through quaint towns, majestic mountains, busy motorways, and heavy traffic. They switched off driving, enjoyed some breaks along the way, and I never once had to take the wheel myself.

Every fear can be overcome. Choosing wisely, staying persistent, and employing a bit of strategy can make all the difference.

However, I haven’t yet shared with you what might be the most critical point…

Bonus: Team Up with a Friend!

That approach is known as friendship.

It seems my two friends found companionship in one another. They supported and held each other accountable, while I kept them on track.

An ally is the best tool for overcoming fear. An ally is someone who can help you confront your most dreaded challenges. Who will be there to support you when you begin to stumble? Who is there to offer support when you’re looking for that little boost?

The commitment that emerges from facing your fears alongside a friend is often overlooked.

Two of my friends decided to make a commitment to one another. Neither of them wanted to be the one to walk away. By being there for one another, they fuelled each other’s motivation.

There’s no such thing as a half-hearted fear. It’s time to fully commit.

Establishing personal stakes and consequences is essential for growth. Surrounding yourself with allies and support networks can provide the accountability you need to stay on track.

Next, you begin to increase your exposure step by step. Take some time to elevate your mindset and celebrate every little win along the way.

This past weekend with the two friends turned out to be a real success, and while the road trip home was definitely a highlight, it wasn’t the only reason for the triumph. We achieved something remarkable, and it was all thanks to our teamwork. We crafted joyful moments together and revealed the endless possibilities that lay ahead.

Fostering those positive connections is truly important. Creating unforgettable moments. Transforming the boundaries of possibility.